In the Headlights

The Christmas Pig

  Kinky Friedman is a singer/songwriter (notably Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys), a prolific writer of detective novels,  and a gubernatorial candidate (he lost in his Independent bid for Ann Richards' seat).

Now, in time for Christmas, comes Friedman's latest book, The Christmas Pig.  It is the story of a king who commissions a mute boy to paint a nativity scene for Christmas.  The boy, Benjamin, is painting in a barn where he meets a talking pig named Valerie, whom he'd like to include in the nativity scene.

So far, so good.  I won't read it though.  Publisher's Weekly wound up their review with "The ending is the saddest thing since Old Yeller."  That's it for me.  Old Yeller flat out ruined my seventh birthday.  My Dad took us kids to see it, much to his later regret. I cried all day.  I will never forget my little brother looking at me and telling me I wouldn't get any dessert (my own birthday cake!) if I didn't finish my dinner, which I couldn't because if was crying.

I hate to think what that implies for Valerie.

We Have Nothing to Fear but...

Genuphobia-fear of knees
Pogonophobia-fear of beards
Keraunothnetophobia-fear of falling man-made satellites
Achluophobia-fear of nightfall
Phengophobia-fear of daylight (vampire?)
Ablutophobia-fear of washing or bathing
Chionophobia-fear of snow
Ophidiophobia-fear of snakes
Chaetophobia-fear of hair

As you know, a phobia is an irrational anxiety or fear, which interfere with the way we lead our lives.

The first few on this list came from David Sedaris's book, Me Talk Pretty One Day.  The others are from The Phobia List, which is quite extensive.

[Image from I Love India]

The Ring.

After several false starts, I finally completed a bead ring. Now that I understand what I'm trying to  do, it goes a lot more quickly.

The beads are called "delica", the stitch, "peyote" and the line is kevlar.  Unexpectedly, again I had problems with the kevlar fraying and knotting.  I'll get something different before I try again.

The ring on my ring finger is one I bought in Scotland.  The one on my index finger is the one I just made.  It has stripes.  Now I have to work on pattern. 

Still Life with Jonquils

by Andrea Hollander Budy

The usual bowl of fruit, yes,
and at attention in a blue porcelain vase
wands of jonquils not yet bloomed,

gray-green buds
like translucent cocoons
their wet and yellow wings

stirring against the thinning threads
of gray, about to give way---
the way a woman whose wrist

has been lightly touched beneath
the starched tablecloth recognizes
a man's invitation, its promise,

as the chatter of dinner guests blurs
into nonsense and she begins to feel
the invisible tug on the knot

fixed at the body's center
waiting
to be undone...

The painter knows
what not to execute, knows we bring
our own heat to the canvas,

knowing exactly how
these jonquils would look
if open.

But not letting them.

[Via Poetry Daily]

[Illustration from Michenv's Photos in Flickr--gorgeous photos]

Deep-Dish Apple Pie. The Biggest I've Ever Made

This recipe is for my favorite apple pie.  It's my Mom's recipe (and her Mom's), and when I get the craving (around once a year in the Fall), I'll go through the steps and put it together. 

Normally I make a double recipe pie crust.  This ensures plenty for a large bottom crust and the top crust. I am not going to tell you how to do this, as it is not anything I am very good at.  Each time I find a new recipe I try it, hoping it will be as easy as they say.  I know you have to keep it chilled, and let it rest, so I try to curb my enthusiasm and make the dough the night before and let it rest overnight.  Everything else about this pie is easy.  I refrigerate it overnight, and when I try to roll it out the following day, it is always like a brick, and won't flatten.

But you already know how to do THAT.   Bottom line, I usually wind up rolling it between two sheets of waxed paper, trying to get the wrinkles out, then, ultimately, patching together the crust. 

Again, no matter.  No one can see the bottom crust, and you will put icing over the top.

(I started writing this post a few days before Thanksgiving, and was so hungry, I decided to make the pie for dessert on the big day.  I actually used a triple recipe crust (that is, triple recipe for a single crust pie)  and 5 lbs. (16 cups) of apples, and double the sugar, flour and salt.)

I decided to once again try (oops, split infinitive) to roll the crust out on the countertop. I let the dough rest on the cuontertop, then I put flour down, floured the dough itself, and my rolling pin.  I'd occasionally spatula up the edges and throw down a little more flour.

It worked OK until I tried to fold the dough on itself to transfer it to the dish.  So once again, the pie crust was patchwork.  I made it in a deep 9"X13" rectangular baker from Pampered Chef.

Here's the normal recipe:

Ingredients:

Double recipe pie crust
About 3 lbs. Granny Smith apples (more if you eat them as you cut them, as I do.)
Sugar
Flour
Salt
Cinnamon
Unsalted butter
Confectioner's sugar

Start with a double pie crust recipe.  Roll out a little more than half for the bottom crust.

Peel, core and slice (about 1/4 inch thick at the thick end) 6-8 cups Granny Smith apples.

Line a deep 9-10 inch straight-sided pan (we usually use a square pyrex dish) with the bottom crust.

Mix together separately 1 cup sugar, 2 tablespoons flour and a teaspoon of salt.

Put 1/2 the apples into the crust, cover with 1/2 the sugar mix, and sprinkle with cinnamon.  Repeat.

Dot the top with butter.

Cover with top pie crust and seal.  Poke a fork or the end of a sharp knife through the crust to let air out.

Bake at 425 degrees for 45 minutes.  Check intermittently and if the edges of the crust are getting past medium brown, cover them with strips of foil.

Remove and cool.

After cooled, ice the pie.  I know there are a lot of ways to make icing.  This is simple and delicious.  Put about 2 cups of confectioner's sugar in a bowl.  Boil some water.  Add few drops of water to the sugar and stir.  Continue adding water in small amounts until the sugar is incorporated, and of a medium thickness.  You should be able to pour it, but not freely.  If you've added too much water, just add more sugar.

Drizzle the icing over the pie and chill.  And serve.  And get your duly earned compliments.

(Bottom line, the pie turned out to be a big hit, even if it was a bit rustic looking.  Sent a big piece home with my folks, froze a couple of big pieces, and have been eating the rest all week.  Oh well, somebody's got to do it.)

A Little Light on the Subject

I was home early tonight, so I was in time for the repair guy who came to fix my heater.  It stopped working Saturday, and though it wasn't real cold here, it gave me an excuse to light the fireplace. 

It's working now, so we must be in for a spell of unseasonably warm weather.

Anyway, Pat had this great LED light for working in confined spaces.  Made by TerraLUX, it's called the Work Star 60.  It has 60 LED lights for 240 lumens (which may not sound like much, but it certainly is a bright light), charges in 90 minutes from 12VDC or via a car charger which is included.

What fascinated me about it is that he hooked it to the front of his shirt, so that he had great hands-free lighting right in front of him.

Red had these lights on hooks for working in confined spaces or at night, and they wre on electrical cords, and got hot. 

I'm getting one for those times the power goes out, and maybe one for the car as well.  They're not cheap at $44.99 apiece, but it's a small price to pay for peace of mind.  (As opposed to a piece of my mind, which is a totally different thing. And much cheaper.)

Things Go Better with...Salt.

Brining has been very popular for some years in recipes for meats that tend to get dried out.  According to Fine Cooking, turkey, pork and shrimp are in the most need of moisturizing.

A mild salt solution enters the meat (which weighs more after brining), and also starts to denature the meat proteins, which makes it more tender.  Small cuts and shrimp should only be brined for 1/2 hour or so.  Turkeys require 12-14 hours.  In the refrigerator.

My previous brining experience has been when I have bought 5-10 pounds of shrimp from my friend Connie.  After I clean them, I put 6-8 shrimp into a sandwich bag, and then cover them with salt water and seal them.  I put the baggies on a tray in the freezer, and later remove the tray and thaw the shrimp when I am ready to eat them.  They are plump and juicy.

This Thanksgiving, I made a 7.5 lb. turkey breast for my folks and me.   This is the breast meat of one turkey, cleverly fashioned around the rib bones to look like a little turkey.  The thawed breast fit perfectly in a stock pot, and on Thanksgiving Day, I soaked it in a gallon of water to which I had added one cup of salt and one cup of sugar.  I found space in the refrigerator and let it sit for 5 hours, after which I rinsed it, drained it and patted it dry.  I put some salt and pepper on the skin, and rubbed it down with butter, then put it rib side down in a roasting pan, put about 1/2 cup of canned chicken broth in the bottom to keep the pan juices from burning.

You can also add spices to the brine if you desire, but I wanted to try it plain. 

The recipe I used said to put the breast in a 450 degree oven for 15 minutes, then rotate the pan and cook it for another 15 minutes, then reduce the temperature to 325 degrees and continueto roast it until a meat thermometer register 170 degrees, 30-45 more minutes.

Well, my folks were late, and I wanted the skin a little darker than it was at 170 degrees, so it cooked for about 2 1/2 hours, and came out a golden brown.  It was 185 or 190 degrees on the thermometer.  I was a bit worried.

If the proof is in the eating, then this was proof that brining works.  Everyone raved about the turkey, even my Mom, who is no big turkey fan.  The brining did not noticeably affect the turkey taste or texture, but the meat was very moist and delicious. And it was just the right size for three people to eat.  There were leftovers, but not so many that we'll run out of ways to cook them.

It's a bit more of a challenge for those brining a 24 pound turkey.  But if you have room in your fridge to begin with, you can buy a brining bag (available from Williams-Sonoma, 2 for $10).  You can put the turkey in the bag, slip it back into its slot in the refrigerator, and add your brine.  When it's time to remove it, you can drain the brine out into a bucket, rather than throwing your back out trying to carry an unwieldy turkey/brine combo to the sink.

[Illustration from the Calor BBQ Club.  Accompanied by a recipe for brined turkey breast.  I didn't use hot water, nor did I add the spices.  You know...I did what I described up top.)

Deacon Brodie

In Edinburgh, we lunched at Deacon Brodie's, a pub on the Royal Mile, and a perfectly situated stop for visitors who are walking, shopping and visiting historical sites.

The pub was named for Deacon William Brodie, who was born in the mid 1700's, and grew up to be a respectable cabinet maker and city councillor in Edinburgh.  But he also gambled, and as his debts grew, he took to criminal means to support his lifestyle.  His secret life also included two mistresses and five children. 

He not only built cabinets, but he installed and repaired locks.  Thus he was perfectly situated for a live of crime.  As president (deacon) of the Incorporation of Wrights and Masons, he had some status, and socialized with some members of the upper crust. In addition, he was often called upon to make repairs in houses of the gentry. Thus, he not only had ample opportunity to survey their belongings and the layouts of their houses, in repairing and installing their locks, he was able to make was impressions of their keys.

Almost twenty years after his criminal career began, Brodie took on three thieves, and planned an armed raid on the Excise Office in Cannongate.  When the raid went awry and one of his henchmen was captured, he sang like a canary, and the jig was up.  Brodie had violated the K.I.S.S. principle.

He escaped to the Continent, but was captured and returned to Edinburgh for trial.  He was hanged on October 1, 1788.  A popular story claims that he had built the gallows and was the first hanged on it, but that seems to be apocryphal.  Apparently, he innovated "the drop".

It is also said that with his double life, he was the inspiration for Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  Robert Louis Stevenson's father owned furniture made by Brodie, but as far as is known was not robbed by him.

There is a pub in New York City named after him, within walking distance of the hotel I'm staying in next month. Hmmm.  Sounds like a good place to check out.

[Illustration via Fortune City]

Not Too Late

S.S. sends us this advice on how to make a Florida Turkey.  It may be late for Thanksgiving, but it is way early for Christmas.  So start planning now.

1)  Cut out foil in desired shapes.

2)  Arrange turkey in pan.

3)  Position foil carefully.

4)  Roast according to your own recipe and serve.

5)  Watch your guests' faces.

I love this.  There's only one thing that disturbs me.  Shouldn't there be a small squash or something on top of that neck?  Otherwise it could be Marie Antoinette.

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[Thanks, G.W.]