Dee Ray sent us this list of things his mother taught him. Save it and send it to your mother for Mother's Day. I'm sure she''ll recognize herself in it. And I'm sure she'll appreciate it.
M...is for the million things she gave me...
To appreciate a job well done: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside, I just finished cleaning the floor."
Religion: "You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet."
Time travel: "If you don't stop that, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."
Logic: "Because I say so, that's why."
Logic #2: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
Foresight: "Make sure you wear nice underwear, in case you get into an accident." (Those EMTs and trauma docs are sure to be impressed.)
Irony: "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about."
Science (osmosis): "Shut your mouth and eat your dinner."
Contortionism: "Look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
Stamina: "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." (Where's the darn dog when you need him?)
Weather: "Your room looks like a tornado went through it."
Hypocrisy: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
The Circle of Life: "I brought you into this life, and I can take you out."
Behavior Modification: "Stop acting like your father!"
Envy: "There are millions of less fortunate children in the world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
Anticipation: "Just you wait until we get home."
Receiving: "You are going to get it when we get home!"
Medical Science: "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
Wisdom: "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
Payback: "One day you'll have children, and I hope they turn out just like you."
[Thanks, Dee Ray]
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