I just got back from a meeting at which a number of people in my department spoke, including my boss and myself.
Since we both spoke Saturday and had to work Friday, we talked about driving to the meeting, but decided to fly, and agreed to meet at the office and drive to the airport together. We were discussing this at work when a friend who was within earshot piped up "uh oh, I can hear the rumor mill gearing up already."
His wife and I are good friends. We play bridge together, and she is one of the smartest and funniest women I could ever hope to meet. He is my boss. We get along great, but there is no heat. And no problem.
I can think of nothing drearier than driving to the airport, schlepping in my luggage, flying to the destination, and taking a cab by myself. So we carpooled, and gossipped (just a little), and got to the destination and checked in at the desk, getting keys to our respective rooms.
We had no sooner done this than a woman came flying across the room yelling at my boss. She ran toward me with arms outstretched to hug me, and I knew immediately that she thought I was his wife, Cate (we are both tall, and currently, redheaded--and this woman had not seen them in years) --note, Cate is always redheaded. I come and go.
There were a lot of people at this meeting who knew my boss from his previous job. A couple of friends indicated that they thought there would be plenty of fodder for the rumor mill because we arrived and left together.
This really irritates me. I hate to think that the pool of people I can be friends with is cut in half because some of them are men. I work with them day in, day out, sometimes in pretty stressful situations. I'm old enough and I hope mature enough that I won't sleep with a friend's husband. But if there were any doubt, these two are poster-children for what a good marriage is. They are dedicated to each other, and obviously still very much in love. I don't covet him, but do envy what they have. And he's a friend. So not only would I not sleep with him, I am pretty sure he would not sleep with me.
Anyway, on the flight back, we ran into three other people who work in the institution where we work. It was fine, they too were returning from a meeting. But it made me uncomfortable. And there may be rumors.
My boss often says that perception is everything.
So I feel badly about the whole thing. I know Cate knows there is nothing going on. But I don't want either of them (or myself) besmirched by a rumor.
I work with a lot of people. I could travel with a married woman and no one would bat an eye. Can I not travel with a male friend and colleague who is married without it being blown into something totally ridiculous?
And...would the mill in other circumstances work the same? I get along particularly well with about 5-6 of my 21 colleagues. If it were one of the other men would it be the same? There are some in our department I could travel with for years and no one would expect anything. Except maybe homicide.
(I know Armaedes has blogged that he doesn't believe men and women can be friends. I hope he is just kidding. Or that he will rethink his position.)
What now?
I immediately thought of two things: Bonnie Raitt's "Let's Give 'Em Something to Talk About" and Miss Manners. Odd bedfellows? Anyway, part of me says, "Let 'em wonder -- and enjoy it!" The other part says something like the advice Judith Martin (I LOVE Miss Manners!) gives here:
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/features/manners.html
Posted by: lc | February 26, 2006 at 03:59 PM
I sympathise fully, rumours really are no fun. (Armaedes IS fun, but not to be taken seriously on serious matters... At least there's one more American with a sense of irony...)
Probably the only thing to do is ignore it, though, as long as the people involved know there's nothing.
Utterly annoying, that some people will always jump to the wrong conclusions! But part of what separates life from a movie is that most of the time your friends will know it's just a rumour... (In a movie they'd obviously call in a hitman, or at least discontinue their relationship with you. For at least 50 years. I hate films like that...)
Posted by: Scholiast | February 26, 2006 at 04:37 PM
The suspicion seems kind of silly to me. I'd think people engaged in a clandestine relationship would be exactly that - clandestine.
Posted by: stryder | February 26, 2006 at 06:47 PM
Keep your chin up girlfriend, you have done nothing to be ashamed of. The gossip mongers are the ones who should be hanging their heads, or at least wiping the egg off of their miserable faces.
Posted by: keewee | February 26, 2006 at 08:44 PM