In the Headlights

Dear Dog:

I am soooo sorry about you being sent to the dog pound for the broken lamp which you did not break, the fish you did not spill and the carpet you did not wet.  Also the wall you did not dirty, and the chicken you didn't knock on the floor.

But things at the house really are calmer now.  Mom and Dad have stopped yelling.  And just to show you there are no hard feelings between us, I am sending you a picture so that you can remember me, always.

Best regards,

The cat.

[Brought to you by Janet.  Thanks, J.]

More from the Giant Sea Tortoise

From Thank You for the Giant Sea Tortoise And Other Unforseen Results of New York Magazine Competitions, Edited by Mary Ann Madden.

Today:  titles, quotes, aphorisms with misprints due to the substitution or omission of a single letter.  Here are the best (in my opinion, of course):

"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bus."

"Wish you were her."

"I've got you under my ski."

"Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever God may be
for my unconquerable soup."

"A plaque on both your houses."

"Small apartment for runt."

"Ruth is stranger than fiction."

"A fool and his Monet are soon parted."

"Do unto otters as you would have them do unto you."

" ...  and the Cabots talk only to Cod."

Carnival of the Recipes #80

Carnival of the Recipes #80 is up and running at Sun Comprehending Light.

Sounds like Taleena has had a bad week. Hopefully some of the food and drink in her blog will start putting things to right.

Next week, EGO wants to support the Danes with Danish pastry week.  Jeesh, originality will be tough...

White Oak Plantation-The coolest place in Florida

A friend recently visited White Oak Plantation with an organization she belongs to.  I had the opportunity to visit it twice in the past with my husband and our wonderful neighbors who hosted the trips.

White Oak represents big money at its best.  Originally the private estate of the Gilman family whose fortune came from paper mills, the 7500 acre on former rice plantation straddling the St. Mary's River has at its heart a 600 acre conservation facility, home to more than three dozen species of endangered or threatened animals, many of whom had not been bred in captivity until arriving at White Oak.

Howard Gilman built a studio there for Mikhail  Baryshnikov.  I remember a big flap when Bill Clinton stayed there over the closing of some of the access roads.

Gilman International Conservation (GIC)is a subsidiary of White Oak Conservation Center, which is dedicated to supporting international efforts to support flagship species. Among other projects, GIC has funded (with assistance from diverse zoos) The Okapi Wildlife Reserve (13,700 square kilometers of rainforest in the Congo).  They are a founding member of the International Rhino Foundation, and a long term partner of the Cheetah Conservation Fund.

Interested groups can enjoy one of a limited number of private tours by calling 1-904-225-3200.

*   *   *   *   *

Interesting fact for today:  You may have heard of white and black rhinos.  The white rhino is not white.  It is so called because its mouth is wide, and the Dutch word for "wide" is similar to the word for "white", so that what should have been a wide rhino became a white one, and the other rhino, the one with the narrow mouth, became, by default, a black rhino, even though their hides are similar in color.

[Illustrations from the web site's photo gallery:  Okapi, Baryshnikov's studio, rhino]

Just When You Think It's Safe to Get Out of the Water

This is arguably the most famous occupant of Headington.  The Oxford Shark has lived at this address since 1986 despite efforts to evict him.  His host is Bill Heine, who resisted efforts by the Oxford City Council to have him removed ever since he was installed.  He was created by sculptor John Buckley, and is 25' long.

In 1992, the Secretary of State for the Environment weight in on the side of Heine, allowing the sculpture to stay put.  The decision included this statement:  "An incongruous object can become accepted as a landmark after a time, becoming well known, even well-loved in the process.  Something of this sort seems to have happened, for many people, to the so-called 'Oxford Shark'."

Go here for more on this story.

Shark! Shark!

Is this guy cool, or what?  I so want one.  He is featured in the latest Hammacher Schlemmer catalog, and I'll die if I can't have one.

Really.  I've been fascinated by sharks my whole life, and read a lot of books about them when I was a child.  Way before Jaws. (BTW, saw that Peter Benchley died recently. RIP)  That was a major contributor to the fact that it is very hard to get me into the ocean.  With this chap around, you won't even be able to get me into the pool.

From the catalog/website:

"A full 2' long, this unique robotic shark has a full range of motion to replicate the smooth, sleek swimming of one of nature's most efficient predators.  It is able to gracefully maneuver up, down, left, right and even backwards through water, in depths up to 9'.  The shark can swim up to 40' from its handheld remote unit which is also submersible, allowing you to swim with your shark.  It has a 15-minute run time per charge (four-hour initial charging; one-hour for each subsequent recharging), and an additional battery is available for reduced downtime.  Specify Blue or Red; each has a different remote frequency so that two can be used at the same time.  Ages 8 and up.  6'HX10'WX24"L. (2 lb.)"

Heck, I'm over 8.  I want a blue one.  Wait...I have no pool...  OK, I'll have a pool installed.  No, I'll keep him in the tub...No, the spa...Hmmm, my neighbors have a pool.  Bet their dogs'd go nuts.

Why Can't We All Just Get Along

I just got back from a meeting at which a number of people in my department spoke, including my boss and myself.

Since we both spoke Saturday and had to work Friday, we talked about driving to the meeting, but decided to fly, and agreed to meet at the office and drive to the airport together.  We were discussing this at work when a friend who was within earshot piped up "uh oh, I can hear the rumor mill gearing up already."

His wife and I are good friends.  We play bridge together, and she is one of the smartest and funniest women I could ever hope to meet.  He is my boss.  We get along great, but there is no heat. And no problem.

I can think of nothing drearier than driving to the airport, schlepping in my luggage, flying to the destination, and taking a cab by myself.  So we carpooled, and gossipped (just a little), and got to the destination and checked in at the desk, getting keys to our respective rooms.

We had no sooner done this than a woman came flying across the room yelling at my boss.  She ran toward me with arms outstretched to hug me, and I knew immediately that she thought I was his wife, Cate (we are both tall, and currently, redheaded--and this woman had not seen them in years) --note, Cate is always redheaded.  I come and go.

There were a lot of people at this meeting who knew my boss from his previous job.  A couple of friends indicated that they thought there would be plenty of fodder for the rumor mill because we arrived and left together.

This really irritates me.  I hate to think that the pool of people I can be friends with is cut in half because some of them are men.  I work with them day in, day out, sometimes in pretty stressful situations.  I'm old enough and I hope mature enough that I won't sleep with a friend's husband.  But if there were any doubt, these two are poster-children for what a good marriage is.  They are dedicated to each other, and obviously still very much in love.  I don't covet him, but do envy what they have.  And he's a friend. So not only would I not sleep with him, I am pretty sure he would not sleep with me.

Anyway, on the flight back, we ran into three other people who work in the institution where we work.  It was fine, they too were returning from a meeting.  But it made me uncomfortable.  And there may be rumors.

My boss often says that perception is everything.

So I feel badly about the whole thing.  I know Cate knows there is nothing going on.  But I don't want either of them (or myself) besmirched by a rumor.

I work with a lot of people.  I could travel with a married woman and no one would bat an eye.  Can I not travel with a male friend and colleague who is married without it being blown into something totally ridiculous?

And...would the mill in other circumstances work the same?  I get along particularly well with about 5-6 of my 21 colleagues.  If it were one of the other men would it be the same? There are some in our department I could travel with for years and no one would expect anything.  Except maybe homicide.

(I know Armaedes has blogged that he doesn't believe men and women can be friends.  I hope he is just kidding.  Or that he will rethink his position.)

What now?

Overcast by Jean L. Connor

The day, of no great merit,
ended---a dandelion gone to seed,
minutes squandered, hours spent,
no bright gold.  Yet in the ledgered

plainness of the day, overcast, common,
some subtle brush of meaning
held me.  Was it those unexpected
words of thanks, or the single lilac

plunged in a paper cup,
there on a stranger's desk?
Something, a fragrance,
lingered well past dusk.

[Link to Poetry Daily]

The Aviator

My friend Kathie came over last night and we had pizza and wine, and watched "The Aviator".

The pizza was good.  The wine excellent.  The company, great.  The movie....so-so.

Good story--the early life of Howard Hughes--what's not to like?  You have the Roaring 20's, glitz, movie studios, money, sex, starlets, drama, descent into madness...

But somehow, it felt like it had all the depth of a cartoon by John Held, Jr.

The sets were gorgeous, and, as far as my undiscerning eye could tell, true to the period.  Leonardo DiCaprio was fine as Howard Hughes, building his movie empire, outsmarting his foes, buying and building TWA and dashingly flying prototypical airplanes, and barely escaping with his life once or twice.

Barely escaping with his life also as he wooed and bedded one starlet after another, some of whom can get pretty testy when riled.  

Cate Blanchett, one of the best actresses on the planet, in my opinion, played a pre-Spencer Tracy Katharine Hepburn.  She does not look like Hepburn, but the hair and costume, and the way she walked and talked allowed one to suspend disbelief and let her morph into Philadelphia Story-era Hepburn.  Blanchett won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role in this movie. (Blanchett was also nominated for a Best Actress Oscar for her role as Elizabeth I in Elizabeth.)

In the Aviator, Kate Beckinsale did a good job playing Ava Gardner, and it was a treat to see Alan Alda as shady Senator Ralph Owen Brewster.

So what was the problem?  Too many similar scenes.  Hughes spends a boatload of money.  Hughes makes more.  Hughes woos startlet.  Hughes woos starlet.  Hughes woos starlet.  Hughes flies airplane really fast.  Almost crashes.  Hughes flies airplane really fast.  Crashes.  Hughes acts a little strange.  Hughes acts stranger.  Hughes is nuts.

It goes on and on.  Two hours and fifty minutes of it.  And with a belly full of pizza and a couple of glasses of wine on board, I got pretty sleepy. I'm not sure Kathie didn't sleep through half of it.   If I hadn't had company, I'd at least have turned on the light and done a couple of crosswords or Sudoku puzzles during the movie to keep me going.

Can't really do that when you have company.  So my advice...Watch this movie on DVD when you can stop it partway through and cook, do laundry,  whatever is called for to break it up.

When the Honeymoon is Over

When you have a conversation like this, you know the honeymoon is over...

*     *     *     *     *

He said:  "I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it."
She said:  "You wear pants, don't you?"

[Link to bra photo here]

[link to pants photo here]

He said: "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said: "Good idea, you stand in the kitchen and do the dishes, and I'll sit on the sofa, watch TV and fart.

He said: "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I give you?"
She said: "Turn sideways and look in the mirror."

He said: "Why are you so much heavier now than you were before we got married?"
She said: "Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.  Married women come home, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge."

And...

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

[gravestone photo link]

[Thanks, RR]