When I first read that President Bush was to have a colonoscopy today, and that while he was anesthetized, Dick Cheney would be acting President, I had conflicting thoughts.
The first: "Oh no."
The second: "Oh, what the heck."
That's because my initial response was to the thought of Dick Cheney being in charge. The second because I guess he already is. (Or maybe he and Rove share the ventriloquist duties.)
They say it's only for about 2 1/2 hours, but if you, dear normal individual, were to have a colonoscopy, first of all it wouldn't be on a Saturday, because these are elective procedures done M-F. I wonder if they figured Saturday would be best because nothing ever happens on Saturday. Or maybe there are no meetings today.
Also, if you had the standard anesthetic for this procedure, you would be told afterward to go home in the care of a competent adult (somewhat subjective criterion, but WTH), and not to drive or make important decisions until the following day. So what's this 2 1/2 hours stuff. Do they think his decisions will be the same, or at least as wise under the lasting effects of mind-altering substances like midazolam or fentanyl as they would be when he is his clear-headed, block-headed self? Or maybe they just don't want Dick in charge any more than 2 1/2 hours.
Finally, before they do the scope, you have to drink a half-gallon of something euphemistically called "Golytely". It tastes like salt water, and it...um...cleans you out. You're pretty much glued to the toilet for a number of hours beforehand.
"Mr. President, terrorists who knew you were having a colonoscopy tomorrow have unleashed missiles aimed at New York City. You must come quickly!" "Uh...sorry...can't...wouldn't be prudent."
[Image from Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center]